STEVEE: FINAL EDITED COPY OF FAN FIC! HOORAY! XXX

THIS FAN FACTION IS BASED ON THE NOVEL: THE BRONZE HORSEMAN, BY PAULLINA SIMONS.

It was June 22, 1941 and war had just been declared between Russia and Germany, Leningrad in particular. But why did I feel as though it was just another balmy afternoon, a cool zephyr running through my hair and lightly tickling the beads of water that seeped through my skin. Papa appointed the job of buying groceries to me, of all people. he was definitely feeling a little aloof.
I walked along Nevsky Prospekt and saw that all the shops had either a 'closed' sign or had lines that backed all the way to the end of the street. Hmmm what was it that hung in the air today, was it . . . Hope? Life? Love? Or was it just war? Drowning, I was quickly pulled from my ocean of thoughts.
Women were quarrleing over sausage, caviar, canned food and all sorts. Personally I had no idea why everybody was in such a frenzy, as if the food was going to run out. But I knew Papa would be disappointed if I came home empty handed so I went and stood with the cluster of crazy women who were arguing about whether to get vodka or salami until one very alarming lady turned around and barked, "Ladies this is war! Buy your caviar, it will last you but a week. Whilst my canned ham will last as long as I do." Why did my stomach churn when I heard those words?
Delerium was starting to eat at me, I couldn't handle this kind of hysteria so I decided to take a stroll down one of my favourite streets which I knew would be deserted at a time like this. I saw one of the ice-cream stands were open, crem brulee mmm I couldn't wait for the dreamy liquid to relieve me of my parched throat. I hitched a spot at the bus stop, I decided I would catch the bus number 136 in hope of finding some food else where.
It was such a beautiful day, how can there be any chaos or worry at all, faintly humming, "We'll meet again in Lvov, my love and I...", I bounced my leg to the tune, it was the latest hit in Russia. Damn my hair was getting caught in my ice-cream, I definitely didn't want to ruin my Polish dress, the only thing I had to call my own.
Quickly licking the cone before the ice-cream could hit my dress I could see someone standing across the road looking at me or the scenery, i hoped it was the scenery. Pause. It was a soldier and I had seen many before but why was this one staring at me as if he'd known me his whole life, as if he were silently saying to me Where have you been Tatiana?
He walked towards me, more like floated, his walk was not like any other Russian man, each stride was sealed with confidence. My eyes were pleading for more, up, up up, olive skin peeked out under his Class A's collar, a set jaw, stunning white teeth, up, those eyes, those chocolate eyes, were they really locked on me? "Hello there." A confident voice, although I didn't recognise his accent. I could feel my face burning, argh I hated that about me.
"Hi."
How many minutes had passed?
"My name is Alexander, are you planning on telling me yours?"

***

It all seemed right that first moment. The moment he crossed the street for me, the moment I fell in love but didn't yet know it, the moment where time itself seemed to have frozen because everything around us suddenly just...stopped moving. That was until I knew he was the man my older sister Dasha had fallen head over heels for. Before Dimitri, his best friend, delusively claimed me as his own in spite of knowing Alexanders' feelings for me and completely aware of his own motives. Before I knew Alexander was really an American in incognito, a prisoner accused of treasonous acts against Russia, that was until he escaped. Before we had to conceal our love from Dimitri for fear of him revealing Alexanders true identity out of envy. And now here he was, a lieutenant in the Red Army who was completely overwhelmed by my every movement, whisper, word and smile (God knows why). And here I was, a seventeen year old completely dazed, completely breathless, completely, completely, completely everything. That was what our love was; forbidden love, we had the Cross and the Crown in our cups.

To betray my sister and tell her that Alexander had only ever loved me? To reveal our love to dimitri and risk everything? To tell everything was to lose everything.

***

"Please lets just tell them Tatia, I don't care what the consequences are as long as I have you in my life nothing else matters! I'm sick of the lies, the hiding, I can't even whisper to you without your family over hearing!"
"But Alexander, what about Dimitri? He'll tell the secret government everything and then where will we be? Worse than we are now!" crying eratically I tried to calm myself.
"Who gives a fuck about him? I don't give a shit about what he does!"
"And what about Dasha? You think I can stand to break my own sisters heart, my flesh and blood? For God's sake I have to sleep in the same bed with her, this is Russia Alexander, not America!" and in a lower tone , almost inaudible, "we're just not meant to be!" I couldn't believe the words coming out of my own mouth but this is what love had subjected us to.
"You don't mean that Tatia, lets just tell them please," pleading, "I'm begging you!"
I couldn't stand to see him running on empty, piece by piece my soul was slowly being shredded and now hovering with the rest of infinite matter in space. "I will not let Dimitri win, you and I both know he won't let this one go without a fight. And this is one you simply can't win my love."
I could see him crumbling from the inside out, my legs couldn't hold up any longer, "You know what you have to do if we want to be together don't you?"
Lowering his head, he knew, "I know."
"I know what Dimitri wants Alexander, how can you be so blind? Dimitri only itches for what you want most, once that itch is relieved he moves on. So just stay as far away from me as you can and closer to Dasha and you'll see," flinching at my own words, "Dimitri will back off."
Never lifting his head to me, "I'll try Tatia, for you I'll do anything, but mark my words this isn't going to end well."
We were breaking and soon we weren't going to be able to keep this charade up for much longer. I needed to be strong for my soldier more than ever now, for we both knew what lay ahead in the coming days would be an everlasting fire in our hearts. He lifted his eyes to me and I had to put on my indifferent face to reassure him we would be together soon. If it was in this life or the next I didn't know.
Tonight was exquisite, the lilacs were swimming with the silent silohuettes of The Summer Garden, the fragrance of every flower relieved every sense in your body and yet we could feel our misery suffocating the once serene heavens.
"Soldier come lay your head on me," the guard said it was was time to eat and like a prisoner he obeyed.
"Tatia...," his lips devoured mine, I could barely stay conscious, we remained locked in a moment of heat and pure bliss while hie tongue traced the outline of my lips, the feeling was so addictive; he was my very own crem brulee ice-cream. "Tatia you're the sweetest girl you know, I knew the first monent I saw you God was giving me a sign, he was giving me faith, he was giving me the strength to keep on living because he made you just for me. All my life I had no purpose, no reason to live or die or fight for. Tatia you are my purpose, you are reason. Why are you crying?" Alexander could feel my body quivering under him.
His eyes slowly found mine, we sat just gazing at each other for what seemed like hours knowing we weren't going to be able to do this for a long time, our souls completely luminous.

***

As the weeks edged on I started to feel worse than before, the ration of 300 grams of bread just wasn't cutting it anymore, if I got up too fast my head would start to spin, the bosom area of my shirt felt tighter and I couldn't remember the last time I had my period. I knew what was happening but I didn't want to know. At the peak of war and death I was pregnant. Why now? Dimitri was actually starting to back off after his useless attempts to bed me failed. And Dasha, oh Dasha. Anyone would think the war had never landed on her front door step, so blinded by love she couldn't even see through it all.

***

Four months had passed and I was starting to show but I still hadn't told anyone yet, especially not Alexander. So life went on as it did every other day, lies, more lies and some more lies. I woke up at 7.30am to go and get our daily ration of bread and sugar. Struggling to put on extra clothes to protect me from the raging blizzard outside I hurried along to complete my daily chores. I walked so slow that it took me an hour to actually get to the shop, a walk that usually only took me fifteen minutes. On the way back home I could see the German planes over head firing more bombs in an attempt to take out the only hospital we had left. Was starvation starting to blur my vision? Or was a bomb really heading in my direction? Too afraid to stop and contemplate my theories I ran as fast as my body allowed me to. I could hear the bombs whistle approaching so I instantly dived into the nearest doorway. Minutes passed. Was I dead? No, death couldn't be this painful. Slowly heaving myself off the ground I made my way back home walking even slower than I did before, my clothes were burnt and my face was coverd in ash and dirt.
Opening the front door, my jaw dropped to the ground. Alexander was there and was looking at me in complete horror, while Dasha wasn't really phased as to why I was suddenly covered in dirt. So I tried to keep my face calm and walked straight into the room starting to rip the clothes off me, I was just pulling my under shirt over my head until I heard a loud shriek. I quickly tore it off and who do I see gaping not at me, but at the secret I had kept for four months. Dasha couldn't comprehend what was happening and not wanting to raise my eyes to Alexander I could still see his face. Hurt and anguish flashing in his eyes.
"Tatia...," was all he could say.
"Oh Alexander I didn't know what to do," I blurted out completely forgetting Dasha was still in the room. He ran to me and fell to his knees in front of my peeking belly. We were speechless for what seemed like hours and I could feel his tears sliding down my tummy until my own made their way down to join his.
"How could you not have told me Tatia?" he murmured under his cries.
"I knew if I did everything we worked so hard for would be over, like it is now." Hearing my own words, I looked up for Dasha but she wasn't there.
"Who the fuck cares about anything else Tatia, we can't care about anything else now."
"Darling please stand up, we've got to explain everything to Dasha," I cried not wanting our moment to pass.
But before we could say anything Dasha came storming into the room with Alexanders' gun crying hysterically. Her whole body was shaking and we knew she finally understood everything, the veil was now removed from her eyes.
"Dasha honey im so sorry, please what are you doing?" I cried.
"You selfish bitch, Tatia! You take the one thing from me that I love! Alexander you bastard I thought you cared about me, at first I thought I was just a good time girl but then you started to come around and open up a bit more, if I only I knew it was all for my younger sister! She doesn't have curves or breasts, she's not even a woman!" I couldn't believe she was saying all this but she was right I deserved it.
"Dasha we tried to stay away from each other for you, but we just couldn't. Please you have to understand." I tried to reason with her but I wasn't getting through.
"Don't even start with me Tatia, don't even fucken speak to me you whore of a sister," she screamed shaking even more.
"Dasha put the gun down now before you hurt somebody." Alexander said as though he were commanding a soldier.
"I don't give a fuck who I hurt Alexander, so tell me how long have you loved my sister?" Dasha cried flinching at her own words.
"Dasha calm down, you don't want to have this conversation." he spoke so calmly. We all stood looking at each other for a few minutes, processing everything that had just happened.
"Dasha we truly never meant for this to happen," I screamed begging for forgiveness. But she wouldn't listen and then she pointed the gun right at me.
"This can't be fixed Tatia, I have nothing to live for. Nothing." Dasha moaned with empty eyes.
Alexander flew straight at her but it was too late. The room echoed with the protruding sound of the gun shot, I waited for death to hit me, for my life to flash right before my eyes. But it never did. Instead Dasha tumbled towards the ground, blood trickling from her mouth and pouring frm from her back. I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't do anything. What had I done? I slid down to her now motionless body and closed her once wandering eyes. She was giving me and Alexander a chance to live our lives but knowing full well she couldn't be there to watch it all.
"If you can hear me honey Dasha, I love you. Please forive me."